Mom

 "Those who think that nagging fear is easy to overcome have never really had to wrestle with it. Oppressive fear creates a significant amount of suffering requiring an equal amount of courage to face both it as well as the pain it generates. Pat answers don’t help those whose hearts have been ceaselessly harassed by fear’s torments. Perfect love alone has sufficient power to drive out and cleanse the heart from fear."

My mother's name is Jen, and she was a hoot.
She made chex mix at Christmas every year, and we ate it even though it was gross.
She loved to drink wine. She loved a good wine festival.
She taught me how to do the time warp on my 17th birthday.
She loved bulldogs.
She loved beer.
She dressed me up as a pumpkin for my first Halloween.
She didn't mind blood, guts, poop, or vomit... but she hated earwax.
She was unbeatable at Trivial Pursuit... And Scrabble.
She made me an Easter basket every year, even when I was in college.
She always made sure I had a Valentine.
She came to just about every band competition, OM performance , etc. that I ever had. She even made a 6 hour car ride to see me do a Regatta in Tennessee when she was sick.
She was temperamental and sometimes mean, like me.
She wouldn't go swimming unless the water was "Mom warm."
She loved traveling and going on cruises.
She loved her family, she loved her life, and I love her.

In January of 2010 she was diagnosed with a peritoneal adenocarcinoma of the appendix. She spent the next 2 years undergoing chemotherapy until finally finding peace on New Years Day, 2012. She was only 48 years old.
 
My cell phone still has the last time she called me registered in the call log. December 18th, 2011, right as I was coming home from basic combat training. From time to time, I still go through and read all of the text messages that she sent me. I still text her, even though she'll never get them. Sometimes I go to her facebook and look through all of her pictures. I still write her messages sometimes, even though I know she'll never read them.
Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm more sad or afraid or confused. I've never really developed any concrete feelings on the afterlife, so I'm not sure where she is, if she's anywhere. I guess if I put any religious leanings to the side, I would say that her "energy" or whatever has just absorbed back into the universe with everyone else, and that one day I'll do the same and in that sense we'll be together again. Keeping that in mind, I can reason that whatever I do with this life doesn't particularly matter, because once I'm gone I won't be conscious to enjoy it. All of this will have just been a small blip of light in an infinite string of events that make up... something. It makes me feel empty and afraid. How much time before my blip is over? Does it even matter in the grand scheme of things?
Maybe.
What if we do "go on"? What if there IS something after this? What if it isn't all for nothing? Well, there's no way anyone can tell for sure. All you can really do is believe the best. After all, if you're wrong you won't know. You'll only feel peace. "perfect love."

*End Depressing Monologue*

Well, the point of this blog is to chapter the events of the next year of my life, which I have vowed to spend as Drake so eloquently put it, "yoloing"
At least once every week, I will do one life-enriching event that's going to "make all of this worthwhile in the end." I'm going to live the next year of my life enjoying new experiences, being deeply moved, and finding inner peace by enjoying a gift that so many have run short of...

Time.

Here are some standard rules, just because I feel like I should come up with some, otherwise I get lazy.

1. At least one Yolo every 7 days, one week lasting Monday through Sunday, so if I do one on Sunday and another on Monday that counts as 2 weeks.
2. Can't do the same Yolo twice.
3. Must provide photo evidence.
4. It can't be lame.
5. If I miss a week, I have to pay an extra 500 dollars of my school lone off instead.


So stay tuned for my first wild episode... I actually have something fairly cool planned for my first few "projects."